At one point or another we all hit a cross road in life where we have to make a decision. This is true for anyone, with or without some hardship that they’re trying to recovery from.
For me the decision to try and walk out of my own darkness towards the hope of recovery came in June of 2014 when I survived one of those moments. One of those pinnacle moments where the way to permanently end the pain appeared to be the most viable option. Yet, I held on, and it has been worth every ounce of pain. Worth every ragged breath. Worth every tear shed. Holding on for just one more sunrise has meant everything.
Since that moment I’ve hit many cross roads where I’ve had to make a daunting decision. In fact, I’m standing at one of those cross roads right now. This blog is a part of it. Deciding to share my story with others to try and show that there is a thing called hope. There’s much more to this cross road than just this blog, but that’s part of it.
It would be remiss of me if I didn’t mention that often times when I stand at these anguish inspiring cross roads that I look back at where I was and how far I’ve come. I made a choice to walk out of the darkness and I’ve done it. Not as in I’ve conquered my demons; no. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever conquer my demons, but I have learned to live with them. I’ve learned to be happy. I smile and laugh a lot and I see a future.
That is what my current cross road is all about, my future. I look back to a fateful night in June to what seems like an eternity ago. I didn’t see a future. I didn’t see making it until morning. I didn’t see a real reason to. I did see two little girls that I would leave behind. They were the two threads I held on to that night. I gained more reasons as time went on. I used to list them off in my head like my own personal mantra of salvation. Today I have too many reasons to easily list, yet each and every day I list a few. Just as a reminder.
And just like me; you’re probably at a cross road as you read this. I can’t tell you what decision is the right one. I can’t tell you that the path you choose will be easy. What I can tell you is that it’s worth it. That there’s hope. That you can walk out of your darkness. And I can tell you that, because just like you, I was shrouded in darkness and felt that kind of despair; and I held on just a little longer. Then I found hope.
In the eloquent words of Robert Frost…
“Two roads diverged in a wood. And I; I took the road less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.”
Leave a Reply