There is something about knowing yourself that can release us from bonds we don’t realize are keeping us imprisoned. In the recovery movement there are a couple of key concepts that drive how people find a pathway to their own recovery. The main one being that we are the experts in ourselves and our experience. Taking that piece we often cry “Nothing about Us, without Us.” Much of that has to do with agency, finding our way back, and rebuilding trust in ourselves again.
And yet, has my proclamation of being an expert in me unintentionally become a barrier to truly knowing myself? A key to learning is being open to what we don’t know. If I take an expert stance, am I telling myself I know all there is to know about me? Am I sabotaging my own growth? Unfortunately, the answer to those questions is often Yes.
In order for us to truly understand and know ourselves we have to let go of all preconceptions and internal biases that we hold towards ourselves. We have to question some of the motivations and why’s of our beliefs. We have to dig deep and accept what may be there. Now, accepting what’s there now, does not mean we have to accept it will always be there. That’s a key point about being honest in our own discovery.
As I’ve dug deeper. Spent time to really get to know the inner workings of me, I’ve found things I don’t like. I’ve found those cringey things we keep buried deep. I’ve found beliefs rooted in trauma. Behaviors rooted in survival. Memories that I cannot change that have shaped who I’ve become. Some of it is positive, some, not so much. I can’t change the past no more than I can predict the future. What I can do is not let it define who I am Now.
In our path to know ourselves the most fulfilling growth comes from understanding we have the ability to change who we are now. We don’t have to allow the past to define who we are today. We have choice in that. We just have to be open to learning more about ourselves. Become an expert in humility and growth.
Sometimes, I have to put my ego aside. Recognize that I don’t need approval or validation when it comes to who I am. When I begin to gaslight myself, understand that may be a point of fear that’s defending something deeper. The something deeper. That’s an area I need to grow.
On this journey of recovery, digging deeper allows me to grow in ways I never thought possible. The first step, allowing it to happen.
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