There’s always a lot to examine when we look at doing the right things or doing things for the wrong reasons. Without the examination of our motives it’s easy to fall into it. There are a plethora of examples of this every day and many people never even bother to look at the why behind things. One thing that has been a central point in my recovery has been that deeper dive into my motivations for doing things. I spent a long time trying to make up for other things or to seek out approval like it would somehow admonish all the bad.
As I held it up to the light I found that all the accomplishments, achievements, and accolades really didn’t amount to any type of internal satisfaction or peace for me. I had to admit to myself that while I did a lot of good, while I did the right things, I did them for all the wrong reasons.
The thing is, we have to live with the choices that we make in life. We have to own those consequences and take personal responsibility for our actions. That isn’t always easy. Holding that level of ugly up in the mirror. Yet, I’ve learned that those choices don’t define who I am today. I do that by taking the lessons and meaning from the past and doing the right thing now. Not putting it off. Not setting some magical start date or day dreaming about how I’ll be better in the future. I step back, I pause, and I do the right thing now because it’s the right thing to do. For no other reason, then it’s the right thing to do.
Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter. Cold or warm. Tired or well-rested. Despised or honored.
Marcus Aurelius
There are a lot of different methods we can apply to figure it all out. I’m a little partial to Viktor Frankl’s explanation in Man’s Search for Meaning. He talks about looking at the decision you’re about to make as if you’ve already made it and you’re reliving it from your death bed. Would you approve of it then? Would you want to change it? Was it really the right thing to do?
As many times as I’ve read that book that’s one of the pieces I wish would have stood out sooner. I get it now though. It makes a difference when you think about it that way. You change up the approach a bit. Right, cause we have to live with it.
To add on to it, I read something out of Epictetus’s Discourses that gave me pause and forced me to look a little deeper when it comes to doing the right thing.
When someone is properly grounded in life, they shouldn’t have to look outside themselves for approval.
Epictetus – Discourses and Selected Writings (Penguin Classics)
At points throughout my day, as I’m making decisions I ask myself.
Are you looking for approval from outside of you?
Leave a Reply