The funny thing about life is that even when we do everything we should, sometimes life just happens. When it happens, it can even be tragic. The death of a loved one, a major health condition, loss of a job, an accident, a failed project… it could be anything. Life, can be pretty hard to manage when things like that happen. And yet, there could be some amazing lessons and a deeper meaning for the stress and suffering.
Throughout the years I’ve seen and heard of others who have handled tragic circumstances with poise and grace. Seeing how skillfully they managed what was happening I was left wondering what they knew that I didn’t. I don’t always have the patience to wonder, so I asked…
What I learned was they had a level of acceptance and then looked for the good. A man who was losing his wife to a debilitating disease explained that he was thankful for the time he had. He knew that she was going to pass and that’s why each day they had, in any capacity, was a blessing. Things she couldn’t do, he would, then he’d take pictures or Video Chat her in the process… they could enjoy it together.
Another gentlemen who told me that tragic circumstances led to healing the relationship he had with his father. A young lady who lost her father as a child went on to pursue a career in conflict resolution and peace keeping. Then a guy I know well who said he was given the greatest gift when he lost everything. A healthy relationship with himself and a greater respect for what truly brings peace in his life, loving him.
If we take a moment to look for the good, no matter how small, it could change our perspectives. Now, I’m not naive, in some situations, there may not be any quickly identifiable good per se, but there may be meaning that we can look for. Viktor Frankle highlighted this in “Man’s Search for Meaning” and those themes are repeated by holocaust survivors and those wrongly imprisoned throughout the world. That they found a meaning in their suffering. That meaning… it may be to tell their story so others can be reconnected with humanity.
While I can easily get caught in my own head around conceptualizing this, I also like some practical tools. Some things I look for are more tangible. Like gaining a deeper appreciation for things I took for granted or regularly overlooked. A sunrise or sunset holds a completely different kind of beauty when you think it may be your last. A change in lifestyle that leads to new and healthier habits. Lessons learned from mistakes, even catastrophic ones. Personal growth through a greater understanding of our capabilities and where we may need to focus some more work. In general, finding out more about me… That’s a priceless gift.
Find that good… find that meaning. The suffering then becomes much more bearable. I’ll leave you with this.
I may wish to be free from torture, but if it comes for me to endure it, I’ll wish to bear it courageously with bravery and honor. Wouldn’t I prefer not to fall into war? But if war does befall me, I’ll wish to carry nobly the wounds, starvation, and other necessities of war. Neither am I so crazy as to desire illness, but if I must suffer illness, I’ll wish to do nothing rash or dishonorable. The point is not to wish for these adversities, but for the virtue that makes adversities bearable.
Seneca the Younger , Moral Letters, 67.4
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