This recovery journey I’ve been on has been ongoing. As things have come up and I’ve made adjustments and changes I’ve had to accept that I may never “recover”. That realization was discouraging, humbling, and was such a relief. There wasn’t some magical end state, great epiphany, significant achievement, or this moment where you can stop putting all the work you put into your recovery. It isn’t like that.
That in and of itself, is a huge relief. For years, as I worked with others, supported others, trained and mentored new people in the field; I always felt like I was missing some mark because I always had something come up. Something I had to work on, something I hadn’t dealt with, would make huge mistakes and slip back into some of those problematic behaviors. Sometimes I’d even bury my head in the sand so I wouldn’t have to admit that I hadn’t fully achieved this concept of a full recovery. Accepting that recovery isn’t a place that we somehow reach… was freeing for me. I didn’t, yet again, fail to achieve a goal I set. In fact, realizing that showed that I was making progress in my recovery.
Recovery isn’t an end-state, it’s a process. You aren’t doing good or bad at it, just show up and practice. We have to trust in that. Each day we have to wake up and put in the work, no matter how small, we just keep trying. Sometimes it’s not about what we actually do for it, sometimes it’s what we don’t do. Avoiding those missteps is just as important as putting in work towards the process. It’s all about building a foundation to move forward.
Similar to any profession. An athlete, cook, doctor, nurse, therapist, carpenter, plumber, welder, mechanic, etc.. They all have to practice their craft. Lay a foundation of knowledge as a base to work from. Then practice. Day in and day out. There are mistakes that they learn from. They get faster, stronger, more precise, understand the nuances, recognize challenges before they arise, and continuously put in the work. Ever see an experienced electrician install a lighting system in a home? Quickly, efficiently, precisely. All because they spent years learning their craft, practicing it, honing their skills, and then always being willing to learn more. A new technique. Or sometimes trying to revitalize techniques they haven’t used in a while. Recovery and wellness are no different. It’s a skill. Like any skill, it requires practice.
At some point, I stopped dreaming about the destination. Now, I’m taking the time to enjoy the journey. Cherishing the moments when I have another breakthrough, no matter how small. When I learn something new about recovery from others dedicated to their own practice. Each day I show up, I try, I practice. Some days are more challenging than others and they’re all rewarding. You just have to Trust the Process.
When you do things the right way it will take longer, just trust the process.
-Hopal Green
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