You Are Not Alone

In less than 24 hours something has happened. I have had people reach out to me after reading that introductory post. They’re all essentially telling me the same thing, “It felt like you were talking directly to me.” That really got me thinking.

When we’re struggling it becomes very easy for us to isolate. To close all the doors and tell ourselves and everyone else that no one could possibly understand what we are going through. No one has ever felt like this. No one could relate to me because they couldn’t possibly understand. Because we repeat this mantra it’s difficult to find out that we aren’t alone. For some; they never find out.

There lies the problem. We close ourselves off when we don’t have to. There are people out there that understand, who empathize, who connect on a very intimate level with our experience… because they’ve been there. The title of this blog is Walking Out of Darkness. That’s the title because I’ve been in that dark place, like many others. With help and determination I managed to scrape, crawl, and walk my way out. Part of that is realizing we aren’t alone.

Sounds easy right? Not usually. I resisted and fought it. Every time someone put a chink in the wall I’d reinforce it. I’d repeat my mantra and fallback into the cool and soothing darkness. Embrace my pain. Hold tight to my misery. Relish in self loathing. Cherish the sense of being utterly alone without hope. All because anything else was too hard. Too unfathomable. I couldn’t see a way out so it must not exist.

Then one day, after I had decided to try to work towards recovery I was in the middle of a mental shit storm where I was holding on for dear life. I was training to get my service dog SAMPSON and I was drowning. If it wasn’t for the fact that I had a 60lb anchor holding me in place I would’ve fallen back into those defenses. Telling myself I’d regroup and try again but the reality was I would just convince myself no one understood. Convince myself it was pointless.

He was talking. At first I just heard his voice and didn’t really listen to the words. But his voice was steady. Something solid I could hold on to within the mental chaos of my mind. I held on to it a little more and I started to hear what he was saying.

His words, although slightly different, were telling my story. A story of tragic loss. A story of isolation. A story of despair. A story of surviving through luck. A story of heart break. It took me a little while. As my mental storm began to calm I realized he wasn’t telling me my story, he was telling me his.

Looking up I had tears in my eyes. Not because I was desperately terrified. Not because I was lost and hopeless. Simply because for the first time in I couldn’t tell you how long…

I was not alone.

Neither are you.

There are people out here that have walked your path. That can come meet you in that darkness. That can walk beside you. That can be there and let you find your way out of that darkness.

All you have to do is listen.

You Are Not Alone.